Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you win again, gameday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
