I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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