where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
