TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this hospital has no fireball
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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