I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
