so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
