if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
