last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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