im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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