i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
