my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
