hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
