Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
