i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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