So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
