sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
