help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
