i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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