I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This baby is an asshole
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
you never un-have a 4some
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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