Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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