I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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