Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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