The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
