Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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