You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
