Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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