What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize