I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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