They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
