yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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