so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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