Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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