i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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