They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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