Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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