Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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