I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
