i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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