grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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