Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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