How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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