I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
