So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
