I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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