We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
