When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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