I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
