All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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