I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
