he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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