dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
