he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
