Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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