You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
