Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
