I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She bit a glass in half.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
