im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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