You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
