I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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