And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
