Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My hand turned me down
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
