i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?