I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.