umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos