I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
