She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
