Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
