So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
