I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Someone signed my nipple.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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