we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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