do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
