Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
