Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
