Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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