I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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