somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
