oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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