You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
