I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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