Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
